July in My Heart, in My Own Words

July 02, 2019

I'm gladly welcoming July, the month just before my 29th birthday. A month which usually makes me feel light as a feather, happy, creative and dreamy.

July is always the month when my husband and I take some time off from our busy lives and do something for ourselves: a trip back home to Transylvania, long road trips, discovering new places, reconnecting with the nature and with ourselves, finding new hobbies or creative habits, loving everything around us more.

Although August is my month, July is always a sweet prelude to what's coming. It's a bit over a week before everything which I wrote about in the lines above is about to happen. I'm excited for the new but also I feel a strange homesickness which is about to burst, in the most awkward way: we are going home to our family and friends, yet this is our home, London. It has been our home for the past 6 years and everything is so damn familiar here. 
Sometimes when I get back to Cluj I feel like a stranger. So many things changed and continue to change - the city, the people, friends who aren't there anymore, the places. Even my memories of how it used to be slowly start to evaporate,they get locked in distant drawers of my mind, so far they sometimes seem out of reach...

Life moves so fast and at times it seems difficult to simply live in the present. We cling so much to our past, to our memories of things that were but never will be again, to the future,  of which we don't even have a clue it will even exist...we actually seem never to be living in the present, but in an abstractised concept of reality rooted so deeply into our minds that we lie to ourselves, convince our minds, bodies and hearts that it must be true. We take everything for granted. Yet nothing is, tomorrow isn't even guaranteed. Or August, or 2020. Some of us will get there, some of us won't. We would all still have expectations though. That' isn't wrong I suppose, but I learnt that these expectations are one of life's little journeys - they give you high hopes, yet some of the times, the result throws you in the darkest abyss, on the opposite pole from your expectation. 
That's why I decided, not so long ago, to try my best and live in the present. Worry for today only. I am not always successful into tricking my mind to do so, but I try so hard. It's the only true gift we can each make to ourselves: to live in the now, worry only about the present, say "thank you" or "I love you" the moment our mind gives birth to these thoughts, and never hesitate. Not even a moment. Life is as short and as colourful as July. 
Simply be and your happiness will follow.



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